honesty in struggle

Part of the reason for me starting up the writing here again has been this desire to attempt at being honest with myself about life and circumstances. In that hopeful honesty, I am trying to expose some of the questions, doubts, and struggles of life. I suppose the ultimate hope is that no matter if one, two, or ten people read this, or even if this is only for me, that I can look back at some point having learned something from the experience, and not doomed myself to repeat history, be it in my own life, or in the bigger picture of life around me.

Last week I talked at length about humility and submission. I’m finding inside of that the struggle of circumstances that do not change in conjunction with my outlook. Put another way, I’m finding that place where the “rubber meets the road”.

The easiest part of confronting an issue is identification. If we’re honest with ourselves, it’s pretty simple to see areas in our lives where change is needed. The problem comes in two areas. First, in implementation. If we cannot implement the change we know is necessary, then identification becomes worthless. The second part is allowing that change to endure. If we implement the changes we see need for, but cannot maintain them, then it becomes of little effect to us. The essence of the change amounts to nothing more than a shallow New Year’s Resolution. We try to make the change, but there’s no lasting power in it. Most of the time, the lack of staying power is directly tied into the fact that we’re changing for someone else, or because someone else tells us to, not because we sincerely see the need for change.

The other motivating factor behind maintaining something God reveals to us is in the fact that sometimes our circumstances just. don’t. change. What do we do when we know God has called us to minister to that co-worker, but that co-worker’s attitude and actions have not changed? How do we react when we know God wants us to take the lower seat, even if we are justified in our stance on an issue, and even have the right to address the powers that be?

Honestly, this is where I’m finding myself right now. I know what God has shown me in regards to submitting and having a humble spirit in my own life, but the struggle found in knowing that the circumstances surrounding that issue have not changed is bringing a…..time of *cough*frustrating*cough* growth. It would be so much easier to let my feelings be known, to vent my point of view to the necessary parties, but I’m finding more and more (each day, it seems) what a painful lesson obedience is. The urge to rise up when God calls us to a place of humility goes against everything our sin nature knows. I believe it is in these times though, that God’s power is most evident in our lives. When we put aside our desires, and make them subservant to His, then His glory is manifest in our life.

1 Samuel 15:22 tells us that “to obey is better than sacrifice.” Sometimes, our greatest fulfillment in Christ isn’t in what we do, but what we don’t do.

More later……

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